perplexed by figgy pudding and such

usually i'm not the girl making resolutions one time a year. i generally try to make myself a better person constantly. however, in 2010 i am making one big change. i am consciously cutting out things that are bad for me.

those little vices that turn into bigger emotional wrecks are going to be phased out. this year i've learned the hard way that i'm a bit masochistic. perpetuating decisions that encourage behaviors fraught with disrespect, convoluted intentions, or generally cause mass amounts of emotional turmoil and hysteria in my life will be kicked to the curb.

i'm actually going to begin trusting my instincts a bit more. it's not always realistic, and it's not always something i can plan, but i'm generally always right.

as most of you know, i spent a fantastic chunk of my 2009 enamored with men who'll never love me back the way i want.

i'll be leaving that in 2009.

so, that's just a little thing i'm getting together in december. i'm preparing for the jump to really let go of those feelings that are one sided in reality. sure when they're reciprocated out of curiosity they're fantastic and wonderful. but you can't build a relationship on sometimes. you can't communicate with sporadic. and you most certainly can't establish trust through semi-reciprocated curiosity.

though i fancy gray, i'm a black and white kind of girl. and really, i'm okay with that. i have plans. i know what i don't want. essentially each day of my own growth will get me closer to those things i do want. and i'm sure when i get there i'll want something different, better, or more.

what a maddening and beautiful adventure this will be.

know (not in the bibilcal sense)

so i had a date last night. i was actually nervous, which is abnormal.

the date went pretty well. we had a good time and laughed a lot.

especially when i made a highly inappropriate, accidentally erotic remark.

we were having a lovely dinner of pho, and we were discussing places we had lived/wanted to live.

i epicly delivered, "i've only lived in dallas. i tried for about 2 solid years to get my visa, though. i really wanted to move to london. but basically you have to be independently wealthy or know people. and i have tried to KNOW lots of people."

there was a brief silence before uncontainable laughter.

"okay, that didn't come out right. i'm so embarrassed. i'm so sorry i said that."

"i'm not," date said between deep breaths.

so much for breaking the ice. i still can't believe i said that. oye.

current addiction(s): little debbie christmas trees, jumping squats, and music (freelance whales and penguin prison)

she moves in like a pirate ship

i'm going to go ahead and dedicate to those few faithful followers who've been waiting to learn of my menless october.

well, turns out, i'm no good at giving men up.

october 4th sort of ruined the whole month. we're still blaming it on vodka, but i ended up with a proper friend.

i also went to vegas with my on-again, off-again crush of two years. we had an amazing time, but shortly after we returned (i'm talking hours), he started doing exactly the things he does. he can't help it; it's just the way he's made. however, those specific things don't really work out for me. so, unless some sort of miracle happens, that will be off-for good.

now, from the surface this might seem a failure. that's where you are entirely wrong.

i learned something about myself in these last months of the year. i make bad decisions when it comes to protecting my emotions. i learned that also spills over into friendships.

so, simply, i'm setting higher standards and not making excuses for people anymore.

if someone isn't a good friend to me, then i don't need them around. i have plenty of friends.

if a guy says we're dating, then i run into him on a date with another girl, i probably shouldn't be dating that guy.

it's really easy. so i'm getting back to the basics. it may sound silly to you, but my overly humanistic soul gets into more trouble seeing things in people that they'll never see themselves.

i'm definitely dating, so that's always fun/interesting/boring/awful/exhausting.

last weekend my brother and his lady came to visit.


we had a swell time, and at one point he let me know that i was only allowed to date boys from church. this was my reaction...



nevertheless, i'm still here, dating, and just as sassy as always. i'll probably find someone someday, but right now i'm just enjoying the present with people i love.

incurable humanist

"i've been thinking about you," he said.

i could tell he meant a kind of thinking that people long for. a kind of thinking full of possibilities and questions and adoration.

"i've been thinking of you too," i said truthfully.

but this time the thoughts weren't of possibility. they were of love and respect, but no romance.

for the first time i'm not confused about you. i know exactly how i feel. it makes me feel free and sad and encouraged and happy.


you were almost perfect, as so many of them are.

all kinds of beautiful

last week/weekend was brilliant.

i had a few days off work and i spent them working from red cup and exploring the city. i don't go on enough adventures, and i got a few of those in.

one in particular was special. do you ever walk in a place and immediately know how special it is? well, that happened. it's a precious record store, ran by an older gentleman with tons of charm and stories for days. i plan to return to get some good jazz and a record player. i'm really glad i tagged along with some new friends. it just goes to show that you should never pass up an opportunity to meet someone.

i feel like my real self during the fall, so i've just been achingly happy, which is nice.

got to celebrate jeramy's bday, and as always, that night was not a disappointment. then, my new friend kate's birthday was on saturday. her friends are all fantastic, and i'm really looking forward to getting to know those souls a bit better.

had to go back to work this week. it definitely wasn't the highlight of my fall, but that's all right. i have a busy few weeks coming up, and i intend to properly manage my time so that i might have a glorious time in sin city.

today i asked a good friend what she thought i liked. (after she had asked me that earlier in the day.) this was her response...

wine and cucumbers! and rain and people! and all things british...

it's good to know that those are all things that i love. so, i pick observant friends, i like really cool things, and i'm pretty happy with the person i am.

a bit weird? definitely. but i wear that label proudly.

as most of you know, the whole men fast thing sort of went down in flames before October really started. good job, jenn. however, i sort of set myself up for failure. :)

it's turned into more of a "let's pick better people to be in my life" sort of thing. i like the way it's working out, and i have already made some good decisions concerning people i should or should not befriend.

i've decided i'm not dating for a while. it's just stressful, and frankly, i haven't met a guy in a really long time who's worth the time. i continually justify their actions, goals (ie. where they are at in life), and i can't do that anymore.

i'm 25. i have my act together (mostly), and i want someone who will offer me the same in return.

so, that's what i've learned so far in this. stay tuned for much more, i'm sure.

oh, juan.

today was beautiful and complete.


it's about the small things for me, and i'm learning to enjoy those things to the absolute fullest. taking in every second of a moment is a new thing for me. i've struggled so long with dreaming too much, all the time.


when i finally realized the pattern i'd been living my life in, i decided to change that.


what i've found has been contentment. it's been adventure and beauty and love.


and tonight i'm going to sleep with dreams of tomorrow and the excitement that holds.

some things that i've learned about myself are that i love hats and red wine. sometimes i talk too much and don't take the time to really listen to people. i love people, so i'm really going to try and work on that.

care about that, sucka.

mmm, mmm, mmmm.

a refined valley dude

this makes my life right now.

shout-out to sav. good pull!

jazzy

jazz is straight up rocking my world today.

okay, sliiight change.

boy fast started last night. long story that i'll explain later. anyway, yeah, fast started last night and will end October the 27th.

thanks for all the support, lovvis!

the hour is nigh

well lovvis, i've gone and become radical. okay, not really. but after taking some inventory on my life, i've realized a few things, and i'm planning to re-train myself. i have developed some behaviors that i'm going to kick to the curb.

basically, in case you haven't guessed, this involves my love life. sigh.

i'm not seeking out a relationship. however, men tend to seek me out. that's fine, but when i begin to show interest, it's inevitable that they "aren't ready for a relationship" want to "see other people" or "are scared." basically, i've ended up getting hurt in the last few endeavors, and i'm really not a fan of that at all.

so, new plan.

i'm giving up men in the month of october. yep, you heard me. no, that doesn't mean i'm becoming a lesbian (sorry ladies).

basically, because i'm not actively searching out a relationship (although am open to the idea), i want to stop tarrying with folks that aren't worth my time.

i have a hard time establishing boundaries when it comes to guys as friends, especially if i can see myself with the person. so, this new guys as friends things is something that i'm going to have to work on.

i have a hard time saying that anyone isn't worth my time; however, that's really not the case. i have a lot to offer any person, and i plan to start respecting myself more.

anyway, in order to get to a point where i can establish those boundaries, i've decided to cleanse first. what better way? a fast.

so, here are the rules. i will not give out my number in the month of october. i won't hit on a guy in october. i won't text or call a guy. i won't return a text or call from a guy.

i won't accept any drinks that are bought for me while out. (man, i'm going to have to re-budget.) i will not accept any wine purchase, no matter how nice the bottle. (ugh. that one hurts, but men are trixy. especially those that know my weaknesses.)

as far as social media goes... i will not respond to any private message from guys. i will not send private messages to guys. if i am commented, unless a specific, non-flirty question is asked, they will be ignored. i will not comment any men.

(of course this does not include my gaybees or already established friendships that i have with men. if you are in question, you better ask. you've got six days.)

i've discussed this with a few close friends, and i'm quite open to any ideas you have to tighten up the guidelines. i've gotten a few accountability offers, and i'm open to more.

i'm pretty sure there are already bets of how long i will last. i think someone has already thrown in October 7th. thanks for the support. :p

but really, it's going to be very hard. i'm quite stubborn when it counts, though, and i'm looking forward to being a better person.

i hope to gain better insight of male/female relationship and dynamic. i hope to learn that it's okay to hold myself to higher standards. i'm not against dating, but i'm absolutely no good at it (apparently), so i hope to learn to be better at that.

really, i just want to be better, full stop.

when considering music at the bar

"this song is spiraling me into depression," said jenn with a furrowed brow.
"i think that's what it's for," kate answered with an empathetic look.
"who sings this song anyway?" jenn whined.
matt leaned across the bar to give some input."ask the lady beside you... she looks like a die-hard fan."
jenn shifted on the hard stool and interjected herself into the somewhat drunk and trashy-looking blond's conversation. "excuse me, who sings this song?"
"gunsss n' rossses. i got 'em tattooed on my back," she slurred.

jenn heard an eruption of laughter behind her and was somewhat unsure of how to handle herself. she was sure that the look on her face gave away her true feelings. however, there was still hope that the blond's drunken haze buffered any offense.

"right. thanks, guns n' roses."

dripping in alchemy...

on my way home tonight, i saw a girl beside me in her car. she was crying crocodile tears, and i couldn't help but immediately empathize with her.

it could have been the song on her radio; she might have been listening to a book on tape; she might have just broken up with her bf/gf... who really knows?

i mean, who hasn't been in their car, crying their eyes out? well, i have. in fact, just last night. it will probably happen again, and that's just the way things go.

my eternally optimistic disposition has definitely taken a hit in the past year. unfailingly, i find the silver lining and rarely miss a beat due to losing heart.

just tonight i was thinking about the moments in my day. they are all so precious. i didn't really do anything extraordinary, but every moment meant something to me. i was acknowledged and rewarded at work; i felt needed by a friend; i made a new friend; i felt unimportant; i felt blessed; i missed london; i was thankful.

each of those things tiny, tiny moments make up who i am. and i must say, i'm quite pleased with that person.

it's really a good feeling. and although i'm not quite where i would like to be, i'm making positive steps every day and am driven to be the best, happiest person that i can be.

stay tuned on that.

entirely too sexy for monday

all right, i've been disgracing this blog, but i ran across my friend's and thought it was cute.

the things that make people feel sexy are always interesting. so, here are mine...


1. Being Naked. as weird as it sounds, i actually feel the most sexy when i'm allowed to roam free without the shackles of clothing. this has been pointed out as quite odd since i love fashion, and i agree, but i don't make the rules.

2. Dancing. most any kind, particularly latin or belly. i love, love, love dancing, and it brings on some sexy feelings.

3. Shoes.

boots-any kind, i always feel sexy!


pumps-oh those leg-lengthening marvels.
http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/women/pumps/platform/76381225-dreggs/97

chucks-these are a surprise sexy...but no matter when i put them on, it's instant.





4. Working Out. specifically zumba and pilates!




5. Painted Nails. no matter what color, i always feel a bit better when my nails are painted.

at least carrie got a post-it

well, it's funny you should mention that, because, actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation. Because, here's what: avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy.

Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, is this: there is a good way to break-up with someone and it doesn't include a post-it! -sex and the city

so, basically, all things can be solved through respect and communication. that's all.

i hope we still aren't having this conversation when we are 40

this past week i've realized there are lots of things that i don't know that i thought i did. i'm totally okay with that. i'm all about growing into a better person.


things i do know:
i love cucumbers, music, and chocolate (not together)
i am blessed to have so many friends
life is about doing the things that you love. plain and simple.
i adore people...especially the interesting souls
music has become a part of me that i can't really explain. i hope one day to have the same passion, connection, and love for a human.
i need a holiday like i need a rainy day
i hate summer more than ever
i love me some dancing
i. miss. london.

jazzy and jubilant

Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
workkkkk

The last person you kissed needs you at 3am, would you help them?
of course

Last thing you did before bed last night?
re-set my alarm

Do you get mad easily?
no. it takes a lot to be on my poo list.

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
yes, because he's swell.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
not anymore. you can't win them all, lovvis.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
talk, talk, talk. communicado es muy importante!

What's your last text say?
i love you. have a great day.

Are you happy?
mmhmm

What are you doing after this?
working some more, hitting the gym, then going to smangela's

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold please

Who was the last person you were in a car with?
audra

When was the last time you had a REAL smile on your face?
just a few seconds ago

Do you like getting big hugs?
yes indeed.

Is tomorrow looking good?
i can't see tomorrow yet. but i have a feeling it will be spectacular.

What color are your eyes?
very blue

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later?
nope. once i give up i'm done. that's why it's kind of hard for me to let go initially.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
haha noooooo. not in the very least.

Do you want to see someone right now?
eh. not really. i need to work.

Are you in a good mood?
i'm in a wonderful mood...besides being ridiculously cold. i have on two blankets.

Do you miss your past?
not at all. is that weird? i've had some great times, but i just really love my present...and my future for that matter.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
not on purpose

Have you ever gone out with a football player?
yes, in college.

Last person to make you smile?
my entire office. they are fun. i like them.

Who were you with at 12:00 last night?
just bailey and i. we were sleeping.

If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say?
i sleep heavily, so i say nothing until the next day.

Ever receive a really long apology?
sure

Are you mad at the last person who called you?
negative

Are you afraid to answer sexual questions?
haha no

Expecting something to change in the next month?
things always change. that's the only thing that stays the same.

Ready for winter to come?
oh so very much.

Were you an honor roll student in school?
indeed

How do you make your money?
i work hard for tha money! but seriously, i edit the books and write the columns and dance...wait...

What do you have planned for tonight?
working. boo. and maybe, if working gets to a steady point, heading out on the town. maybe.

Today did you kiss a person you have feelings for?
does bailey count?

Have you ever been around someone who was high?
that i have

If you could have anything right now what would it be?
cuddles!

How ticklish are you?
let's not go there

Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
yes.

What are you doing right now?
not working. laughing about epic fails.

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
usually open. clothes and shoes are pretty!

Best friend?
i am blessed with many

Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars?
negative

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
i don't get that many hours in a row until the weekend comes around



that's me with my sort-of snuggie. it's sooooo cold!

oh me, oh my

well, today i literally jumped up and down because of a boy. that hasn't happened in some time. it was kind of nice.

so silly, i know. but it's great to have a crush.

i've liked this guy since new year's eve. he was charming and nice, but not overbearing. i had a boyfriend at the time, and i'm not into infidelity, so i pushed him out of my mind.

i've run into him several times since then, and every time has gone the same. we have great conversation, we joke and flirt, and then we say goodbye and go our separate ways.

i was starting to get a little confused, but this weekend i realized that he may just be a little shy. or, as audra said, he could have been in a relationship until recently as well. he finally got my number in the most adorable fashion, and i was very pleased.

well, the reason for the jumping, is that i heard from him today. wahoo! the perfect amount of time, really. if i would have heard from him any sooner, i would have been immediately disinterested. if it would have been later in the week, i would have gotten nothing done at work for a few days, haha! that's what happens when i really have a crush on a boy.

also, it was in business hours. kudos.

this has gotten me to thinking about dating rules. isn't it funny that when you are uninterested in a guy, it's completely easy to play it cool? now, when your interest is piqued, that's when things get challenging.

one would think common sense would suffice, but unfortunately when in the situation, the idea of common or sense is hazy. over-analyzation takes over!

this has been a topic at work as of late. is there some secret society that huddles together and makes up rules that all of singleton must follow? i'm not sure. but i am usually a rule follwer, and i work well with boundaries. that being said...here are a few dating dos and don'ts we've come up with.

*if there is an exchange of numbers, the aggressor must be the first person to contact
*do not, repeat, do NOT friend them on myspace, facebook, linkedin, or follow their twitter until there is an established relationship. (feel free to creep a little if any of the listed are public.)
*do google them. you don't want to end up with a complete loser, and the internet is a good tool to figure out if they're completely bust or not.
*before there is an established relationship, expect texts or calls to come within business hours. if it's not in that time frame, they probably aren't a keeper.
*don't ever accept a same-day request for a date EVEN if you are free.
*when in initial communication phase, don't expect to hear from them every day. take it slow and get to know the person. sheesh!

for now, that's what we've come up with that pretty much everyone agrees on. dating is a lot of work, but it's also a lot of fun when done right.

if you don't believe it, come hang out with audra and i for about 5 minutes and you'll see!



it's so helpful to have such wonderful friends that love and support me every day.

as always, feel free to leave comments, add, subtract, build on, or just agree with!

cheerful insight

in an effort to not angry blog, i've taken a few days to think about some things that have been bothering me.

i had dinner with two of the people who are my closest friends in this world. even though we've had different life ideas for many years now, we've always managed to maintain a level of respect and unconditional love. this keeps us on common ground, and i'm so thankful for that.

i know that sometimes words don't come out as intended, and i hope it was one of those nights.

after a few days of reflection, i've arrived at a comfortable place.

i'm not judgmental, and i know that is a main difference with my two best friends and i. although they may argue, they have some serious preconceived notions. it works just fine for them, but that's not a way that i ever intend to be. they aren't as bad as they used to be, and i feel that i have had a little bit of an influence on them. mainly because they've been forced to accept me through love. i've never actually felt that it's a chore for them until this conversation.

i'm not sure that dreams ever become a negative thing. although i may not have everything figured out, i always have ideas and back-up ideas, and i'm pretty sure that will always be a part of me. i do understand it's important to be content where you are in life, but as many things are a balancing act, this is no different.

having a man and being married is not my picture of success. of course those things will be amazing when the right person comes along, but i'm comfortable being by myself, and if that's a weakness, then i'm proud to be weak.

it all comes down to situation, i think. it's pretty easy to point fingers when you've been with the same person for 6+ years, you're married, and you are building a life together. it's a lot less challenging to decide what you want to do with your life and where you want to settle down, in my opinion.

i love them and know they want me to be happy. sometimes i think they confuse what's best for me, and i just wish they'd take a little more time to get to know me, and less time giving me advice for how they want me to be.

in a reverse application to my life, i'm going to be more understanding of those decisions that i find to be conventional. i'm also going to apply the relevant and applicable pieces of advice they gave me. i've decided to let things go for now, but if it happens again, then i'll have to get a little sassy.

is it okay to say that?

lately i've felt a bit censored in the online community. it's not really that i have obscene things i'm dying to vent in a electronic, public forum, but i would like to think freely, express that, and not worry about who's reading my blog that shouldn't be.

so i've decided to offer a disclaimer...

disclaimer: the content following is personal ranting/rambling from my life. if you are offended in any way, then stop reading my blog.

there, that's done.

on to the good stuff!

this weekend was pretty okay. i mainly relaxed, got no laundry or cleaning done, and saw a pretty funny movie. we went to cuppies and joe on friday, and it made me seriously happy! it was delicious.

on thursday, my friend and i went to a concert at the conservatory. it was also fun, and we had a chance to delve into some topics that have been on the table and not thoroughly discussed.

it truly amazes me what some people have been through. this is likely one of the most kind-hearted people that i know. she's vibrant and always happy, and to hear her talk about her ex makes me want to hunt him down and punch him. she says the same thing about mine, so maybe one day we'll follow up on that. :-)

anyway, it made me think about people and their motivations. even though i've come across some shady people, her ex takes the cake.

i'm convinced he's the most awful person in the world.

it just makes me wonder how people get to be so deceptive, so angry, and just flat out mean. is it all conditional, based on things that happen in childhood? or is it partially innate?

that, of course, brings on an onslaught of questions concerning creation and conditioning.

either way, what motivates different people really shocks me.

i really struggle with seeing the good in everyone, even when they don't deserve it. i just feel eternally positive sometimes, and it has gotten me into trouble.

as much as i hate it, i've realized that i will never understand that kind of person. i'm not built to understand the point of gaining power for pleasure. i don't over-inflate myself to boost my own ego and cover up the shady things i'm actually doing. i don't start fights with people because of my insecurities. i don't cheat on my significant other. i don't tear people down. i know that i'm not always right. i always sincerely want the best for people. seriously.

lately i've really come to appreciate who i am. i'm glad i was created exactly as the person i am/becoming. i'm thankful my parents were/are amazing and raised me to be a genuine person.

i'm also really glad that said friend is now happy, away form the a-hole, and back to the point where she realizes how amazing she is.

if he only knew that he actually made her entirely stronger by trying to tear her down. if he only knew how happy she is now. if he only knew what an idiot he is for letting such an amazing girl go.

even if he never does, all the people that actually matter to her know exactly how lame he is. and really, that's all that matters.

(this blog be dedicated to my angelarito.)

summer, let's do this.

my poor blog.

i've been ignoring it! so sorry!

life as of late has been gloriously busy and chock full of fun. i wouldn't have it any other way.

i'm still trying to process the fact that my baby brother is 21. it is really weirding me out! i've gotten all nostalgic about it. i can literally remember the day that he was born, and that makes me feel very old.

ah well. this weekend was fun! i got to spend some time with ebi and katie.



i made my way home on saturday for ryan's wedding. that was also lovely! i got some quality time with my family, which is always wonderful. they are a group of caring individuals with beautiful hearts and souls. the more i get to know them, the more i realize how blessed i am.

a tan?

excuse me, but i almost look tan. i'm so confused.

it's probably because i'm in the shade, but still...

allo lovvis

well, june is off to a lovely start.

i'm being productive, and it feels nice.

i've realized that i am booked solid for approximately a month and a half. i like it a lot.

some of the highlights are going to be:

*long-time friend getting married
*because of the wedding, i'm going to see high school friends!
*gay pride parade! huzzah
*SYTYCD
*planning trips!

so, that's kind of a run-down.

i need to upload pics. we totally cellophaned jordan's entire desk. he took it like a champ!

still searching. i only know what i don't want.

well, i am so glad to send may on its way.

i'm not really sure why, but it's my least favorite month. maybe that's just because of the amount of work i've done this may. probably so, because may is actually full of birthdays of those i love and anniversaries. needless to say, i'm glad it's over.

to usher it out properly, some friends and i decided upon karaoke. good choice.







jordan also got married this weekend, and that was fun.



i'm determined to be less stressed this month. i've hit the ground running, and i plan on keeping that up.

this month should be fun. i have a few weddings to go to, and i think i'm going to take a bestie trip! hooray!

the last week of the month is gay week, and i'm pretty sure i'm going to my first gay pride parade! i'm really, really excited about it. i have no idea what i'm going to wear.

today is my brother's 21st birthday. honestly, this is way harder than when i turned 22. seriously. it's so odd. so if you see my brother, wish him a happy birthday!

"are you chasing your vodka with bean dip?"

it's birthday season! huzzah!



we celebrated my bestie's bday this weekend at bolero and michael murphy's.

i have to say, i am more than impressed with bolero. the ambiance is spectacular. the color scheme is rich and bright, and it definitely mimics the delicious food. everything is very modern and high end, and i think it's the perfect spot for summer dining. it is set up much like a T, and the walls of the restaurant are lifted on nice days. it creates a very open environment. the back walls are adorned with lovely, orignal artwork, and the chef visited every table after the rush to make sure he was doing his job. (and he was!) it's a little pricy, but the food and service make it worth it.



last night was kirk's bday, and we did it up right with vino, dancing, and unicorn cake!







best picture ever. another successful birthday. :-)

rml!

so, today i was sitting around, being cheery and stuff, and then something great happened!

with the overuse of fml, that was actually my first thought. that's when i realized the need for a similar acronym for wonderful things that happen. thus the birth of rock my life!



rml!

the main reason i was rml-ing is that i received an email from a london-based contract publisher about doing some work. i know it's only a small, tiny, baby step. but, it's a freakin' step!

i'm really excited and not even going to monitor my use of exclamation points right now!

also, i have been jammin' to the pandora dance mix station.

do you guys remember this song?!



oh those lovable, (possible) lesbian russians.

zumba!

this is MY song! that's right...no one can have. it's for me and zumba. :-)




i'm so addicted. watch the video below and give me one reason why not. (:45 and 2:36 are my fave dance moves to do!)shout out to k-balls and angelarito!

well, that's weird.

i'm pretty pumped about pool parties! which is weird, because i don't really like the sun.

however, my coworkers have gotten me jazzed about the idea of fun and sun. okay, mainly just fun for me.



we have a nice setup, though, so i think i'll do just fine with my cocktail, big hat, and good book.

summer, i will make the best of you.

there are rules for the sex pit

this weekend has been just lovely. i haven't gotten much work done, but i have gotten plenty of fun in. :-)

i reconnected with a friend that i've missed tremendously, and that was probably the highlight.

today i've spent loads of time researching tier 2 visas. wow, there is a ton of information out there with all the changes that have gone down in the past few months, current economies, and blah, blah, blah. basically, it's not going to be easy, which i've known from the beginning.

i have a phone pre-interview thing tomorrow at 4, and i'm looking forward to getting a few things straightened up. through www.ukvisas.uk.gov, i could apply today. i'm going to wait and ensure that i have all necessary information before i move on in the process.

i was under the impression that i was required to have a job offer before i could pursue a tier 2. however, i may have been mistaken about that. this would relieve the whole catch-22 the uk has going on... i plan to find out tomorrow. if i don't actually have to have an offer before i apply, that'd be great! in fact, that'd pretty much make my summer. :-)

another very good thing is that tier 2 visas are waaaaay cheaper than tier 1. holla! that part jazzes me up.

anyway, i'll keep you posted on this long and winding road the british government puts visa applicants through.

i was reading a funny blog about this girl's frustrations. she's 29, ten years of experiences in her field, but because of the new regulations she does not qualify for a tier 1. however, a 24-year-old girl that has her masters in art and no experience can get approved asap. she was talking about how that's a big fat brit government fail. i kind of agree.

anyway, i'll keep you posted on the road to a success (hopefully!).

when your mind's made up

currently wading through 269 pages full of registered tier 2 sponsors.

exciting? yes.

time consuming? very.

worth it? every second.

lie to me

i really love "lie to me," but i keep forgetting to watch it.

i'm watching it right now.

so, lovvis, how are you doing? i'm always blogging, talking about myself...

what's new with you? tell me! i want to know. :-)

sentimental hearts

so, lovvis, life is good.

i'm super proud of abbers and ross. they graduated last night, and we had a fun time in stillwater (as always). being at graduation really made me want to pursue my masters. it is the first time since i graduated in 07 that i've really considered it, so i've begun research on a masters program. yay!

here are some pics from last night...

cinco de mayo

well, a very successful cinco de mayo, indeed.

zumba was crazy tonight. crazy in a good way.

i should be sleeping because i have tons to do tomorrow, but i'm blogging and writing and thinking instead.

i'm currently thinking about perfection. and, admittedly, perfection depends a whole lot on one's own perception. right? well, i think so. who really has the authority to set a standard that is suitable for all people?

well, i'm currently thinking about what things are perfect in my life. i can happily report that nothing is perfect, nor would i want it to be.

perfection means no fault. faults, to me, are what make people beautiful and unique.

perfection, to me, is listening to damien rice on a rainy day. snuggling on the couch with a good movie and a good person is perfect. laughing until i cry is perfect. having a successful run is perfect. feeling an overwhelming sense of validation is perfect.

are all these things perfect when separated? maybe not. i'm sure there is something faulty with each and every thing i adore.

perfection, to me, is finding beauty in fault.


so, i'm curious...what is perfection to you?

vintage pirates

i was going to write a long blog about why i think true piracy is a legacy that can't be touched...alas, i'm too exhausted and feeling rather narcissistic, so i'm doing a survey all about me instead!

If your last ex got their heart broken, would you feel bad for them?
of course. i want all of them to be happy campers.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
i drink with my parents.

How many people have you kissed who's name started with an J?
if i tell you i had to consult my list and count, does that make me a bad person?

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
no. i love vino.

What is the shortest time you can take getting ready in the morning?
one time i took 4 minutes. seriously.

Listen to Miley Cyrus for 3 hours straight or go skydiving?
well, either way i'm ending up jumping from something...so skydiving...at least i have a chute

First person under ' A' on your cell phone?
aaron

Would you take someone back if they cheated on you?
it depends on lots of things.

Do you feel its hard to sleep on your stomach?
that's the only way i can sleep

Do you like messages or comments better?
both make me feel really special.

Is there someone you will never forget?
haha yes

Have you ever shouted at random people from inside a moving car?
oh yes, of course

When is your birthday?
november 11th

What were you doing at 4 am this morning?
41 minutes from waking up

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
usually that's the way it goes

Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
no he is not

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this past month?
this is a fact.

Are you in a good mood?
very good

What movie's in your DVD player?
if i had to guess...love actually, will & grace, or down with love

Do you like to cuddle?
oh man

Do you have any nicknames?
several

Were you mad when you woke up this morning?
haha noooo. far from it.

When did you last make cookies?
yesterday

Have you ever met a gay person?
wow. silliest question ever.

What’s something you’re excited about right now?
oh man, so many lovely things.

What brand of socks are you wearing right now?
i got them at a gypsy booth in portland. they have flowers on them, but no label.

What school did you go to in 8th grade?
chattanooga high school

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
nope

What drink did you last consume?
milk

Who were the last males you talked to?
mike at the gym

Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked?
haha woah woah. now we are getting personal

What color eyes do you have?
they are blue

Will tomorrow be better than today?
who knows?

Is your shirt yellow?
no.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
i might

How many piercings do you have?
3, about to be four again

Do you like coffee?
oh man, i love it. but i can't really drink it anymore. it makes me all crazy.

Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
ocean

Where are you?
living room

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
i refuse to label an entire gender. certain people are confusing.

What is wrong with you right now?
notta thing

Are you happy?
very much so

Where were you at 2:02 this morning?
sleeeping

Do you have trust issues?
i don't unless the person seems shady, then i do. so, i guess i do haha

If your parents didnt like the person you were dating, would you lose them?
no

Are you tan?
have you met me?

Has anyone ever called you a bitch?
mmhmm.

Have you ever been told that you were going to hell?
um, yes, actually. by preacher bob because i was wearing pink.

What did you do this weekend?
i had a tremendous amount of amazingness.

Will this upcoming weekend be a good one?
i'm certain it will

Ever liked someone whose name started with a J?
that i have

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
been there

Are you open about your feelings or closed off?
pretty open

Do you think two people can last forever?
no. death happens.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
daddy

You're locked in a room with the last person you kissed, how is it?
i would be completely okay with that

What is your current mood?
chipper

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
oh yes

How do you feel about your hair right now?
i need a haircut

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you speak with them?
sure

When is the last time you said you were fine and you really weren't?
several years probably. i've learned to be pretty open and honest about that...

Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you?
mmhmmm

Ever kissed someone starting with A?
that i have

Who was the last person who said "I love you" to you that wasn't family?
kissyfer

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
i have

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
mmhmmm

When is the next time you'll hug someone?
tomorrow!

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
um, yes

Which smells better: Gasoline or Sharpies?
sharpies!

What was the weather like today?
perfect, actually

Would you ever want to be a supermodel?
well, i'm not tall enough. (thank goodness) if i were, i'm afraid that i'd be one of "those" girls that never at and was super obsessed with runway. luckily, i'm only 5'3''

Have you spoken to your father today?
yes i have

Do you think that you will be married within ten years?
meh, we'll see

Are you angry about anything?
no, not at all

Will you be up before 7am tomorrow?
i have to be at work at 7, so yes

there's nothing wrong with me loving you

Last place you held someone’s hand?
in a bed

So from now on, you're going to be asked unique questions, you ready?
i'm totally ready

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment even if it's just a crush?
he's at his home.

Would you date someone who lived in another state?
no no no

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
i've done it before, but i like this whole same zip code thing

Relationships or one night stands?
relationships. i like people.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
last week. wait...still kind of do. hehe

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
oh i'm sure

Do you laugh a lot?
quite a bit, especially this weekend.

Do you consider yourself lucky?
i am blessed.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
we are engaged :)

Do you think you're pregnant?
i don't think so

You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get?
going to get my nose redone in a few weeks.

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
my hubby's name tatted around my ring finger

Could you cry right now?
probably if i tried really hard. i cry easily.

Who was your last text from?
my brudder just texted me

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
um no

Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?
negative

What are the things you've heard people say about you?
that i'm awesome, sexy, a great friend, have a telephone-sex-operator voice, have big boobs, am a flirt, that my dog is cute, that i have an obscene amount of energy, that i have a sexy fiance...lots of things. :-)

Are you mad at someone right now?
no, that takes too much negative energy

Who did you spend your summer with last year?
erm. lots of people

Are you okay with the life you live?
indeed

Last person you told a secret to?
jenn

Would you run around a neighborhood at night without a shirt for 500 dollars?
of course i would

Do you like hugs and kisses?
mmhmm

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend?
haha word.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/ gf?
hm no, not exactly.

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
mumsy

When was the last time something bothered you?
last week

Have you ever licked a photo?
i mean, i can't say "no" with certainty. there is always that possibility, i suppose.

Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
yes

Have you ever had your heart broken?
oh geeze. i wrote the book, i'm afraid. love big, hurt big. i'm okay with it, though.

How many kids do you want to have?
i think i want 3 children...not sure how many will be adopted of the bunch, maybe all of them!

Have you ever found it hard to tell anyone you like them?
nope, i'm pretty honest about that sort of thing

What song do you want played at your wedding?
probably "sexual healing"

Do you love anyone?
mm hmmm

Did you have a good day today?
it was a great day

What are you thinking about?
how much things have changed in the last week, how i'm ready to hit this month's books hard, how i'm going to have the longest, best workout ever tomorrow, and how much i love

why don't you do something love for a change?

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
-Albert Einstein

things are good.

i have amazing friends, family, and job.

this week, something happened that made the "top 5 most exciting life moments" list. i kind of like that a lot.

the jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves

i kind of love the fact that i'm eternally optimistic.

trust me, you should listen to the whole song. maybe, just maybe, you'll learn something. :-)

here's to all the haters of the world...

mr. amazing

so, lately i feel that i've been rather negative in my approach to people and life on here, mainly of the male variety.

so i've decided to make this a happy blog. as women, we've got so many menskies to be thankful for!

there are so many crazies out there. 1 in 25 americans are sociopaths, whether they know it or not. these people literally get joy out of creating misery and confusion in a person's life. 1 in 50 americans are obsessive compulsive. so many people suffer with depression and other disorders that alter their personalities.

so often they get all of the credit, but i'm kind of over that.

so, here's to the amazings.

here's to the boyfriend who gets to know his girlfriend's friends.
here's to the husband who calls his wife's best friend when he needs help cheering her up.
here's to the brother who cares enough about his sister to take an interest in who she's dating.
here's to the father that wakes up a little early to call his daughter in the morning before he goes to work.
here's to the grandpa that smack talks his granddaughter's x-boyfriend. bahahaha. (ask and i will tell you)
here's to the uncle who learns how to text message so his niece will be proud of him.
here's to the step-dad who makes an effort.
here's to the friend that encourages and reminds her of her worth.

here's to men, really.

these are just some personal examples from my life. i'd really like to hear about the amazing men in your life. tell me, tell me!

ooo, girl, shock me like an electric eel

this weekend is probably going to rock.

mainly because it will be full of friends, dancing, music, second dating-ing, and the intake of some delicious wine.

ahh, yes, and some serious working.

so many things

i'm having a difficult time focusing.

there are so many things going on right now...

of course work (and there is plenty of that), shakespeare's bday, talibanian militia advancing in pakistan, meg's baby shower, magazine articles, gm is bankrupt, h&m dropped their new line today, vp of myspace "stepped down," orange and wikipedia are now partners(?), apple is making money right now, and i have a date tonight with the guy my brother has hand picked for me.

yikes.

some days i want to throw it all in and move to ikiria.

ps. my vitality compass said that my age from lifestyle is 21, i'm projected to live until 97.3. i'll take it.

today, but tomorow

today is earth day, but tomorrow is talk like shakespeare day.

sigh. i love that man.

even though, if living, he'd be around 445. hawt.



fie, thou fellow minions, we shall celebrate thy brevity of life in spirit of literary furor!

http://www.talklikeshakespeare.org/

nuff said

current addiction...after my massive frank sinatra addiction earlier today...

for the love of pirates

pirates!

i knew there was a reason that i loved pirates so much.

they are go-getters, always thriving on insecurity. if a person didn't have the ability to do that, then nothing would ever be accomplished.

yes, pirates are kind of jerks. they steal things and off people. if fact, they are some of the biggest bullies in history (and now today). however, i still find myself drawn to them.

i've always been a fan of the underdog.

i admire that you always know what to expect from a pirate. their angle is unruly, and it has worked for them since the middle ages.

so, even though all the evidence points towards disliking pirates...maybe i'm a little unruly as well.

truth

current obessions:

clarity, trusting myself, and soulja boy

stalk much?

WARNING: sometimes fashion includes eyemakeup

okay...French Elle is scraping, in my opinion.

this is currently all the rage... French Elle

sometimes the french are known to have a bit of a chip on their shoulder. i've had very limited contact with people from france, so i don' think it's entirely fair to make that assertion.

although, the 3 french girls that i know...well, they all fit the bill.

anyway...

we get it. you are french. you are gorgeous...you have high cheek bones, just the perfect amount of confidence, your legs are long, and you have a stylist following you around 24/7.

maybe you choose not to wear eyemakeup. good for you! some days i prefer to go without. do i need a medal? no.

fashion is about what you want, what you feel. if you feel sexy while wearing eyemakeup, that does not make you any less naturally beautifully (inside or out).

and frankly, when i do have time to sit down with a magazine, i want some glamour in my life!

yes, i think it's lovely to embrace true beauty (whatever that may be to you), but to try and put a makeup-less goddess on a cover and act like it's the new rage...that's silly.

if you want to go with the "organic beauty" look, there are plenty of all-natural products that you can use and still wear makeup.

below are some april covers for elle...us, russia, canda, france, and uk.

the only thing all these have in common are that all the above women are beautiful.

i feel that kate winslet's russian cover is the most fitting. she's looks stunning, classy, and edgy all in one. it embodies what a good, fashion magazine cover should look like, in my opinion.

sad, sad day

i've realized today that coffee is a lot like my last relationship...



while it is delicious during the intake, afterward i am left feeling anxious with my heart hurting.



so, for health reasons, i've decided that i'm going all tea. :-(

i love tea just as much as i love coffee, so it isn't a total loss.



it still makes me ridiculously sad, actually more sad than my last break-up.

oh well, it's for my health...again, like my last break-up.



geeze i'm funny.

when you need a planner for your planner

women can fake an orgasm, but men can fake an entire relationship.

my friend told me this, and i'm sure i've heard it before, but it had been some time. anyway, i thought it was funny.

how true is it? and, are women just as susceptible to detachment as men?

i would be interested in your thoughts on the matter...


life is so good right now. busy, but good. i'm finding that every day is pretty exciting. i'm too exhausted to blog about this weekend, but it was actually quite fun. being in lawton is never top on my list, but my family is worth it!

can't be bothered

with moving today.

i worked out for a ridiculous amount of hours yesterday, and now i'm sore pretty much everywhere on my entire body.

but, i probably won't work out again until sunday, so that's perfect.

last night we decorated easter eggs, played flux, and drank some cocktails. it was lovely.

i love that i only have cool people in my life now, quality people who don't change with the wind (there's a lot of wind in oklahoma) or only offer conditional love.

you arrrrrr special to me

current obsession:
http://www.grandmasgiftware.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idproduct=2703

i want, i want!

evacuations and heinekens

well, last night, katie and i were sitting on the couch, watching sex and the city, when blaring noises interrupted our delightful evening. we exchanged looks of confusion and contempt and began to walk about the apartment to gather what we needed to retreat down our 12 stories.

i did remember bailey, but i forgot my wallet (ID, money, everything). i also remembered my keys, so we headed down to the 7-11 and got some goods.

by the time we got back, the firemen had cleared our floor, so we returned and drank. it was fun...until this morning. oye. 5:30 comes sooooo early!

also, might i add, katie detoured me from being attracted to a rocker-looking guy. (this was earlier in the day after our workout)

basically, i find myself attracted to unmotivated, egocentric, tattooed, mysterious (ie. shady), tortured souls. what's the deal, yo!? it's soooo destructive! but, i've recognized the pattern and intend to change it...a little. i still like a challenge, just not an incorrigible soul.

after katie pointed out that it looked as if we'd have to lay plastic down to even allow him in our apartment (which i laughed really loud about), i kind of began to see her angle. so, thanks katie, for saving me from a loser man. :-)

still...the tatted sleeves were hawt. and, i kind of liked his crazy hair.

current addiction: the gym

it's won't be soon before long

on the commute to lovely mustang, oklahoma, katie and i had a discussion about the state of oklahoma. like the actual, 46th welcomed US state.

the question that katie brought up was that, is oklahoma a trap? even though most want to get out of oklahoma (or maybe many say that and don't mean it), is it just too difficult in most cases?

with the ridiculously low cost of living, the fact that's it's "home," or just it's general charm (let's face it, people. oklahomans are friendly ol chaps), is oklahoma a dream vortex?

there is an odd mixture of mid-western ideals, over-seasoned with the christian beliefs that the bible belt implants from an early age. i think most people are reared and raised to be oklahomans for life.

unless extremely driven, i think that most people will stay oklahomans for life. in my case, from an early age i knew that i wanted to move out of oklahoma.

i'm 25 and still here (after a short stint in dallas). i guess 25 isn't so old, and technically, since i take care of my own stuff, the last year and half is really the only time that i've had the option to move.

moving takes planning and money, so really, i'm not that behind. i feel like i am, but then i remember that's probably due to the ideals that were impressed on me when i was younger. the idea that i need to be married, with-child, and a homeowner by my mid-twenties.

that's rubbish. the twenties are for exploration. and i'm keeping mine locked down for just that.

current addiction:


raaaawwrrr. let's make babies.

when your mind's made up

today started out lovely.


i've kind of realized that i'm in this new, weird place that i don't really care about dating.

generally, i can tell whether i want to spend more time with someone in about 15-20 minutes. (usually)

although i guess it's nice to get the attention, i'm not sure that it's worth it. i don't have a problem being by myself. in fact, i almost prefer it. i'm finding that there are few people out there truly worth the time of having a romantic relationship with. until i find that person, then i guess i'm kind of kissing dating goodbye. haha. that's kind of weird to say, and i thought it was hilarious that promptly after i finished that book (I Kissed Dating Goodbye), he wrote a book about marriage with his wife. at the time i didn't really understand how that could come about, since he wasn't dating.

but now, i completely understand.

basically, i feel that accepting a date from a boy that i have no intention of starting a relationship with is a weakness. i feel that it makes it seem that i'm being validated through this male attention. the truth is that i don't really want or need that, so i would rather choose strength and find other, better things to do with my time.

Beauty is that which attracts the soul...

-Gibran

so, until i find someone with a sexy soul, i'm going to be content with just me. :-)


maybe you are wondering where i'll ever meet a man or get a boyfriend. well, i'm okay with testing this theory for a while and seeing what kind of quality is produced. if and when i get desperate, then maybe i'll accept a date from a dull, uninteresting, less than intelligent bloke.

instead of going on a bunch of dates with people that i already know i dont' want to spend more time with, i'm going to spend time with those that i love and care about.

i'll keep you posted on this, as i've been known to change my mind.

i'd hug the queen too

current obsessions
glen hansard

writing, writing, and writing
working out (ps. the video is so worth it the watch...old people dancing=funny, i don't care who you are)

bizzaro

today has been absurd. i really like days like that.

i was running late for work, but i managed to shave off minutes somewhere from point A to B, and i only arrived 7 minutes late. huzzah.

then, work began, i got my radio show hammered out, featured mewithoutYou, so that was good. and then it happened. that's right...the oklahoma wind strikes again. it blew something down and caused the electricity to go out. fail face.

so, i worked until my laptop died...by worked i mean surfed the net and chatted my co-workers. we had that whole "the environment is different so let's play" syndrome. yep, just made that up.

well, we end up approaching boss man and getting the okay to head to panera to work.

we got lost. of course. well, not lost, just misled, and with my stellar navigation skills, we got back on the right way. we arrived at panera and began working. OH! after i spent $2 for the tiniest, kid-sized glass of orange juice you've ever seen. i must admit, it was tasty, but that better have been squeezed this morning.

it was relatively uneventful until we got ready to leave, and in walked these gorgeous air force pilots. even in their tan onesies, these men were lovely. we did some drooling, checking for rings, and giggling. you know, the typical thing that girls do.

so, yeah, worked. got word that the electricity was back and headed back into the office.

after work i headed up to el gimnasio. angelarito and i did some cardio as a warm-up to our kickboxing class. yeah. mistake. kickboxing was intense! we were so exhausted after an hour of constantly moving, jabbing, upercutting, roundhousing, kicking...we just stayed for the next class. it was easier than getting up at that point. then we realized it was ab attack...oye.

after our intense, 2-hour workout, we headed to get some foods. i had some delicious sushi. happy face.

then i hopped on over to borders. since i moved in, roughly a week ago, i've been dying to go! so i did. i was rummaging and found a book about wines. i became elated when i realized it was only going to set me back a dollar! seriously! so, up to the check out i went, happy with my purchase. when the checker rang me up, so stared at the price for a minute, asked me to swipe my card, and announced "that will be one cent."

um, excuse me...what?

i got a book for a penny. i must say, that makes this a gold-star kind of day.



also, and i'm not bragging...just find it funny, but if you knew how many dates i'd been asked on for the weekend, you'd laugh a little. it's insane. there are only two weekend nights, people! sheesh. i'm really not sure when my stock went through the roof. usually it only rains men when you have a significant other...right?



um, excuse me. geri, you are hot.