cheerful insight

in an effort to not angry blog, i've taken a few days to think about some things that have been bothering me.

i had dinner with two of the people who are my closest friends in this world. even though we've had different life ideas for many years now, we've always managed to maintain a level of respect and unconditional love. this keeps us on common ground, and i'm so thankful for that.

i know that sometimes words don't come out as intended, and i hope it was one of those nights.

after a few days of reflection, i've arrived at a comfortable place.

i'm not judgmental, and i know that is a main difference with my two best friends and i. although they may argue, they have some serious preconceived notions. it works just fine for them, but that's not a way that i ever intend to be. they aren't as bad as they used to be, and i feel that i have had a little bit of an influence on them. mainly because they've been forced to accept me through love. i've never actually felt that it's a chore for them until this conversation.

i'm not sure that dreams ever become a negative thing. although i may not have everything figured out, i always have ideas and back-up ideas, and i'm pretty sure that will always be a part of me. i do understand it's important to be content where you are in life, but as many things are a balancing act, this is no different.

having a man and being married is not my picture of success. of course those things will be amazing when the right person comes along, but i'm comfortable being by myself, and if that's a weakness, then i'm proud to be weak.

it all comes down to situation, i think. it's pretty easy to point fingers when you've been with the same person for 6+ years, you're married, and you are building a life together. it's a lot less challenging to decide what you want to do with your life and where you want to settle down, in my opinion.

i love them and know they want me to be happy. sometimes i think they confuse what's best for me, and i just wish they'd take a little more time to get to know me, and less time giving me advice for how they want me to be.

in a reverse application to my life, i'm going to be more understanding of those decisions that i find to be conventional. i'm also going to apply the relevant and applicable pieces of advice they gave me. i've decided to let things go for now, but if it happens again, then i'll have to get a little sassy.