must...re-charge...

i have my big deadline today.

two magazine deadlines due friday.

you don't even want to see my closet.

i'm thankful i have a honda and that gas is cheap.

otherwise, i'm afraid i might explode from the number of things that i must accomplish in this week. oye.

way down in new york town...

sigh.

today is rough.

i have so much to do that i'm finding it hard to concentrate. plus i have so much on my mind that i can't push it back.

i need advice, but it's one of those things i can't really talk to anyone about, so i will have to just figure it out on my own. usually i don't mind that, but i just don't know about this one.

ugh.

rough day.

i need some figurative sunshine.

frick!

yes, i've been watching Scrubs.

do i wish that i was as lovably neurotic as Elliot? yes. am i? fraid not... i am just a bit neurotic.

well, i know it's mildly cliche, but i'm taking a look over this past year, and i like what i see. it hasn't always been easy or fun...in fact, it was pretty freakin difficult. but, i've accomplished quite a bit, learned a ton, and i'm at a place where i feel pretty good about life.

of course i have my days that i freak and and wonder what kind of mess i've gotten myself into. or i project those things that have happened to me, hurt me, and become emotional for now reason. alas, i'm human. female human, at that, so i know that i have to sometimes deal with things that may not be fair...

however, i'm happy to have feelings. i'm grateful to be introspective and contemplative, and if that means that i'm a bit more sensitive when it comes to emotional triggers, then so be it.

i'll deal with, move on, and continue loving the person that i'm becoming.

2007 was rotten, 2008 was a smidge better...mainly due to the last 4 months, and i have a feeling that 2009 will be a great year.

oh and...

christmas was very amazing.

good one this year. i was pretty much happy all day. not because of gifts, but because of people, quality time, and the the thought is goes into things that people do give.

the zoo

i really want to go. i was just informed that they are open year-round, and i didn't know that.

geeze.

currently i'm trying to work in the big L-town, America.

there are two adorable middle-eastern children next to me. they are with their mom, and they are so well behaved. that makes me happy. so many children run around like crazies, throw fits constantly in hopes their parents will cave to the negative display (which they usually do).

these children beside me are so polite. the little boy, around 5 or so, was staring at me every time i looked up. his mom got embarassed and said that he was curious about my laptop. i smiled and invited him over to peer, and his mom was of course skiddish, like any good mother would be, but i assured her it was fine.

he smiled really big, his huge brown eyes full of wonder, and he hopped right up next to me and put his little hand on my arm.

he was so precious, and i wished i had something really cool to show him, but alas, it was just my laptop and a word file. i let him scroll and click, and you would have thought i would have taken him to disney world.

it just really blessed me, because the family was well-dressed (not that that matters at all)and clean (that does matter), yet both children were so open and seemingly thankful for such small things.

the mother thanked me several times, and i told her that it was such a blessing to see a well-behaved, lovely family. she teared up a bit and thanked me again, and they left.

merry and bright

christmas eve makes me happy.

as does pie making with my fam. they rock.

likey

last night i had a work christmas party, and i got a really cool scarf! it makes me very, very happy. it is handmade with love. yes.

when you've got it coming

well, tonight i am happy because i've had a chance to be alone for a bit and collect my thoughts.

i realize today that i can't control other people/circumstances, and getting stressed about those things is silly. just plain silly.

i'm an intelligent, strong individual, and i will not be defeated by a bad man and an american stick insect. wait...okay, i just really wanted to quote that line. i love, love, love, Bridget Jones.

but, seriously. what good does it do to become reactive to negative behavior? absolutely nothing. and really, it's exactly what the other person (people) want you to do, which is lame.

so, this week is my power week. i'm not going to be emotionally influenced by things beyond my control. i'm going to work hard at the things i know, and that will in turn my my life just a little better.

here's some power music:

yesterday i got to try something new, which always makes me happy.

do it for peace

this moves me.

i don't need no robocop

thanks for the reminder, kanye, to not be a crazy person.

severely addicted

to classical music.

and i like it.

oh, and it no longer makes me happy to think about kane lyons. in fact, just the opposite.

i fear that i actually didn't know him at all, which is sad. alas, life and love is perpetually moving forward to better, purer forms. at least, that's what i strive for.

Happy Bday, Ludwig!

Today, back in 1770, one of the most influential composers entered the world.

He had a tough go of it. As if living in the 1700s wasn't hard enough, he lost his hearing early on in his twenties and was thought to have bipolar disorder.

Nonetheless, his tortured soul sure produced some beautiful sound.

Needless to say, he makes me very happy.

What a beautiful mess I'm in.

many times in my life i have found myself thinking, Jenn, how did you get yourself here?

surprisingly, i'm rather patient with myself. i generally laugh, and think that only i could have been as ditzy to drive myself headlong into a seemingly impossible situation.

last night was no exception.

i have a feeling that God is rather amused with me on many days. i'm ridiculous, and i like it.

i learn quickly, but apply slowly.
i think thoroughly, yet rarely do i express my clarity. i'm not sure why.

most times i think too fast, and i get frustrated with the explanation that i offer to others. i would prefer if someone could crawl into my mind and view the beautiful fluidity that i see.

maybe i'm biased. maybe not.

anyway, i found myself in another ridiculous situation last night, exhausted all logical options, and ended up having to rely on my best friend for help.

i get that i can't do all. i get that i am human. i get that i will always be a person to have fantastically surreal stories that people will always say, "that only happens in the movies!"

i'm a lucky one. i love my life. always have and always will.

that's why, one day, when my book is completed to my satisfaction, i truly feel that it will feed the souls of those in need, offer up some humor for humdrum lives, and make my favorites very proud.

oh to breathe with contentment.

Just In Cases

Love Actually always makes me happy. Always.

a wild uproar

is a good way to describe my life.

i prefer it busy.

i'm happy with my job, my personal life...inevitably this usually means that something in my life is going to go fantastically awry.

i hope i have that perfectly wrong. i'm not being cynical...it's just the facts.

maybe i'll stub my toe today or something.

i have oh so many things to be thankful for. :-)

I Has Dance Party.

Dancing makes me happy!

Pages from my diary...

Well...I'm a bit behind. Not to make excuses, but I have been excessively happy and thankful.

December 5th
I got to spend some quality time with my mom. It was nice and made me happy.

December 6th and 7th
Jordan and I spent loads of time together, and I really enjoy hanging out with that boy. :-)

December 8th
The start of a new week without food poisoning...now that's something to be thankful about.

December 9th
It snowed! It was only a little...but a little is better than none!

December 10th
I'm actually happy about being in Oklahoma today. Weird.

I Like It, In The City, When Two Worlds Collide

It makes me happy that Jordan is coming to visit. :-)

Applesauce

I'm happy that applesauce is sustaining me right now.

Oye. Don't get food poisoning. Seriously. It's no bueno.

Here's to the Bright Side

I totally have food poisoning. It's way uncomfortable.

I'm so wishing for a gag reflex right now. Alas, I must wait until my body decides it's time again. That's gross, I know. I'm sorry.

At least I'll lose my Turkey Day pounds.

Wowza

So, I've been skimpin'.

I have been getting some quality time with the fam, though. Mostly, I am truly thankful that I have an abundance of people in my life who love me fully. They are great, and I am truly blessed by them.

I've realized that my grandparents mean so much to me, and I have committed to making more of an effort to talk to them weekly. They are precious souls, and they have set excellent examples for living.

If You Smile, Then That Should Set The Tone

Happiness is abundant right now, and for that I'm grateful.

Along with happiness, the holidays bring on quite a bit of angst. I truly wish I didn't have organize a rotation. People keep telling me to be thankful, and I am, but it is also a curse to have more than one family event to attend.

It's stressful, inevitably you will consume way more food than is necessary X 2, and there is the feeling that you must split your time directly in half.

Oh, woe is me, product of a broken home. Okay, that's my rant. I'm over it now.

I'm really thankful for yesterday: quality time makes me pleased.

Today, it's rather obvious that I'm extremely thankful for family. They really do make me happy.

Just in case I don't make it out alive tomorrow...I'm happy about black Friday shopping!

All My Lovin'

The Beatles make me very happy.






I took this on my mobile because my camera had died for the day. It was a fun day.

Less Is More

Overzealous writers that overuse said bookisms really get on my nerves.

Good writers that write clearly, poignantly, without the need of superfluity are the kind that make me happy.

I have a whole mess of books that I plan to read over break. I'm pumped.

These are up on my list for the break:

Sunday Mornings

Yesterday I was happy because I got to be lazy and do some laundry. It was nice to slow down for a minute.

Today I am happy that I'm going to church to spend some time with Jesus.

Fancy a cuppa tea?

Well, I'm already on my second this morning and longing to be in London.

Sigh.

London makes me happy...so does tea.

Your Electric Feel

The Electro Lounge makes me happy. Yeah.

No Laughing Matter

Strangely, this makes me happy.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=10739424&ch=4226714&src=news

In The Waiting Line

Today I am really happy that I have caffeine. Otherwise, my lids would be closed. Mmmhmmm.




Bailey was such a cute lil monster. Well, she still is.

I'm Hot Just Like An Oven

Well, I have been on hiatus, but I have been thinking of things that make me happy in my non-computer state.


Friday, November 15th

We went out for my bday and lots of my OKC friends came out and celebrated. It was tremendous fun, and I appreciate all of them. That def made me happy.

]

Saturday, November 16th

I got my nose pierced! Six long years I've waited. :-)

Sunday, November 17th

I got to hang out with a special boy, and that always makes me happy. Then I drove home and watched True Blood with the gang...I'm so addicted to that show. Love it!

Basically, things are good right now. I've finally learned to balance this crazy amount of work. I always get it done, and I'm finally relatively stress free.

Thanks, God. Couldn't have done it without you.

Oh That Clever Boy

Dave makes me happy.

And my fave.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Life makes me happy.

Love Is All Around Us

Yes, cheesy.

Yes, from my fave movie of all time.

But it's oh so true.

I am happy today for all the people who made my b-day special.

I am a girl who gets pleasure out of the small things in life: a homemade birthday cake, a handwritten poem, a bottle of wine picked especially for me, an inside joke that only two people understand, or just an effort to make my day a little better.

Luckily, I got all of those yesterday. I'm pretty blessed, and I truly appreciate anyone and everyone who took a second to think about me, send me a message, or come and see me.

Thanks, my lovvis.

Bahahaha!

This makes me happy!



And it's my birthday, and that makes me happy too.

Old Floozy

Haha. This makes me happy!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081110/ap_on_re_us/wwii_photo

Floor Napping

One thing that I've always loved about weenie dogs is that they follow the sun. That's pretty much their life. Although I poke fun at Bailey sometimes, I think it's only because I secretly wish my days consisted of napping, napping, and napping in the sun.

I'm sure I'd get sick of it after a day or so, but today it made me happy to chase the sun and nap with Bailey.

It's the small things...

like mixing your own nail polish.

And having a crush.

And cuddling with your weenie dog.

Ahh. Saturdays are nice.

Charlie and Harry Make Me Happy

sooooooooo cute!

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.

It makes me happy to kiss someone that I like. :-)

Yes we can!

Well, I have a plethora of things to be happy about today!

First, I woke up more relieved about the state of our country than I have in months.

Second, it's raining. Yeah, so good.

Third, I have a special visitor that's coming tonight. That makes me happy.

Just in case you were buried in a whole, fell down and broke your hip, or "insert other lame excuse here" to miss all the glory of election day, here are John McCain's gracious concession speech and President-elect Obama's humbling words.

Enjoy!

I Feel Patriotic

In preparation for this election, I began to remember what it was like the first time I voted for president. I was in college, still trying to rebel against my parents, and stuck in a predominantly red state.

I remember telling my friends I would vote for Bush (because that's what they were doing), not realizing what that meant. When I got my ballot and stepped behind the curtain, I remember feeling the first bit of clarity, filling in the arrow for John Carey, and just then beginning to understand myself a little bit better. Not that John Carey himself brought clarity to my life, but it was the beginning of me understanding the importance of decision making. From then it's only been uphill.

As I made my way to vote for the president of our United States for my second time ever, I felt proud to be an American. In a time of such political and economical unrest, I think that's a pretty important thing to evoke in people right now.

When I got there, everyone in line was cheerful and hopeful. It was a wonderful feeling to see Americans from all walks of life come together for a common goal. Every person in that room was concerned enough about our country to get out of bed, dress themselves, stand in line, and cast a vote for a person they don't really know.

Having hope makes me happy.

Yes, that's me hiding my Obama button. I might be flogged in the hall if it were showing. :-)

Chica-cherry Cola

So, funny story.

I was hanging out with my bro yesterday afternoon with he, his gf, and his best friend. We began to talk and reminisce about old times, and John (my brother's bestie), told me that he and my brother used to sneak in my room when I wasn't home and listen to Savage Garden.

I don't know why, but I thought this was the funniest/cutest thing ever. They could have just asked, and I would have let them borrow it. I also thought it was cute that this admission came many years later.

Anyway, one of those precious stories from the past.

Well, I've missed a few days here, but that doesn't mean that I've run out of things to be thankful for. :-)

November 1st, 2008
First dates make me happy. Even though I was entirely nervous...it was completely worth it.

November 2nd, 2008
Being home with my dad and having dinner like old times makes me happy.

Today...

Amazing weekends make me happy! Colds do NOT make me happy, which I'm afraid I have not evaded. Boo coworkers and their germ spreading.

The Beautiful Black Pearl

I am happy that I get to dress like a pirate one day a year!

Arrgh.

Hopeful

I am happy that we will have a new president next week. Hall-e-freakin-ujah.

9-5, for Service and Devotion

In a time of tumultuous economic state, I am happy that I have a steady job.

Sometimes I'm so busy, complaining, and pretty much hating my life, I take a sec to think about the thousands of people who are losing their jobs, have lost their jobs, or worse, fear losing their job daily.

I've added a video for viewing pleasure. It's a bit insane...totally worth 2 mins and 28 secs.

Love, love.

I'm Textually Active

Text flirting makes me happy. :-)

Fun in a Bottle

My nail polish makes me happy. It's called "Vixen."

I'm so stressed I can barely breathe...



This is my "focused" face.

Resounding Introspection

I'm often very surprised at the number of people who, as it seems, don't think.

Can one actually turn the brain off? I refuse to believe that people are inherently dumb. I think, that from the moment of conception, the parents have an awfully big job of preparing a child's brain for learning.

Even so, I think every person gets to a point where they can choose whether or not to delve into their heart, soul, and mind. I don't know if some people are just lazy or if they are physiologically unable to think at certain levels.

Whatever the case may be, it makes me happy that I have an active brain.

STATE

I am happy to be a Poke!

Love Actually is all around us

Richard Curtis makes me happy. He happened to help create my fave movie of all time...Love Actually.

So, Richard Curtis,

Bridget Jones is another top contender for movies that make my heart happy.



How can that not make you smile?!

Scaaaaf (British for Scarf)

Warms scarves make me oh so happy.

Especially my pink and white pashmina!

Rain, Rain, please stay!

Rainy weather makes me so, so happy!

As does watching movies in bed...like I did last night. Mmmm hmmm!

Come here, boy

It's dark in here
Visions are flashing into my head
As I reminisce
My reoccurring dreams and you said

Im falling, falling for you babe,
And my feelings are gettin stronger,
So why dont you stay with me for a
For a little longer

Come here boy,
Oh come here boy,
Come here boy
Oh come here boy

I know that my face
Is only too familiar to your sleep
I can see it in your eyes
I can tell by your body heat

Why are you taking so long
You need to come and find me, honey
To set your mind at rest
And let your dreams run free.

You know, I'm no stranger in your dreams

Im craving I'm howling I'm begging and pleading
Be mine tonight

Oh and I'm waiting I'm dying, I'm wanting and needing
To show you a night

Where Ill be touching and holding caressing and giving you
Your every fantasy
Ill get you dreaming and lusting burning and praying
For more of this ecstasy.


Imogen Heap makes me happy. This is my most played song on Itunes.

Not Cool

So, there was all kinds of drama last night.

In a nutshell, I'm glad that good people are still out there.

So, I'm happy that a good Samaritan spotted my phone and left it with the lost and found.

I'm also happy Patricia was nice enough to take care of me. :-)

Astounded

So, last night I was at a comedy club. I was sitting with some friends, and across from us were a couple of cuties.

Well, it was a dimly lit room, and to honest, I don't pay a whole lot of attention to other guys when I'm with my friends, especially the ones of the male persuasion. The comedy show started up, and I couldn't be certain, but the guy across from me with the cute, thick frames began to bump my legs with his knees, stretching out his legs to full extension beside my legs, and this eventually became a full out "footsies."

I must admit, I've never been engaged in the likes...it felt very old world and almost adorable. I obliged and was mildly sad when the show ended and lights came on.

He leaned across the table and said, "I'm going to leave, PLEASE follow me."

I had had enough to drink to be curious, so I threw out that I needed to use the loo and escaped from my friends for a rendezvous.

As I weaved through the crowd I spotted him. This being the first time I'd seen him standing, I realized that he was quite tall.

I smiled and walked up, feeling as if I'd met him for the first time.

We were chatting and he was getting handsy, and I politely pulled away, as I'm not a huge fun of PDA with strangers.

As I did, he ran a frustrated hand over his face. It was then that I got glimpse of a shiny object on his left ring finger.

"Are you married?!"

"Well, um, yeah...you aren't very observant..." he stammered. "Does that change things?"

"Yes, it does," I stated resolutely.

Disappoint washed over his face.

I began to retreat back to my friends and he tossed out, "She lives like three states away!"

I turned and looked at him incredulously. "She's still your wife!"

I politely ignored him for the rest of the night.

This brings me to what makes me happy.

I'm happy that I'm not married to a scumbag.

Sushi...

makes me happy!

I blogged mentally.

It makes me very happy when someone goes out of their way to get me off my very scheduled life. Not checking my email or Myspace for a full 24 hours felt nice!

Today I got new panties and that made me happy.

I miss him...

but it makes me happy to think about Kane Lyons.

Remember the time...

In an effort for general betterment, I'm trying to be much more positive about life in general. A way that I plan to do that is identifying the things that make me happiest, and going from there.

For the next 365 days, I will record at least 1 thing per day that makes me happy. There will be no repeats, and I think it's a great way to love myself and the life I live a little bit more.

Today I realized how happy being with old, true friends makes me.

Being around people who love you unconditionally is the most therapeutic thing. I feel wildly blessed that I have more than one of those people in my life.

Any time I feel gloomy, I know that happy thoughts are not far away. It also gives me courage to press through the low times in search of happier ones on the horizon.

Disturbingly Beautiful

"I can't take my eyes off of you."

How is it that every time I listen to Damien Rice, I fall in love with life a little more?

He has this haunting ability to present the truth in the form of prose in the most eloquent manner. It always amazes me at each individual's unique arrangement of the same words we use every day. Some people just do it better.

In my book, Damien is right up there with Shakespeare.

"We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate"

"Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth...So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball..."

"Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'"

Thanks, Damien. :-)

Really, Jenn, Really?!

As I avoid the unhikable mountain of work that lies in front of me, I'm forced to contemplate the situations in my life.

Why am I a walking cliche?

I'm trying to think how many times I've started a sentence with, "There's this guy..."

But, there's this guy. He seems reasonable, intelligent, healthy, no baggage, interested, attractive, responsible, caring, attentive...

I know, right? So what's the problem? I think that I've become reconditioned to only deal with assholes. I'm used to games, cat and mouse chases, that ultimately result in my feeling down about myself, wondering how I could have done better. I can only assume that the guy feels victorious as he's successfully evaded another commitment.

I caught myself feeling smothered and a bit turned off today just because he was doing everything that I've ever wanted out of a male. Then it hit me. It is exactly what I do when I first meet someone that I find interesting. (Which really doesn't happen a lot.)

I get over involved, try way too hard, and end up scaring the poor smuck away. I get it now. It's a bit creepy...a bit misplaced, really.

But, then I think of myself. I know that sounds narcissistic, but hear me out.

I'm a pretty awesome catch. I know how hard I will work for someone else's happiness, and I know that no matter what, I always have the other person's interest at heart.

So, that being said, I'm going to overrule my initial feelings of freak out. I am also accepting that even if I do everything right, and so does he, we still might not work out.

And I'm okay with that.

Seeking intelligent, geeky-type hottie

Who would have ever thought that one's upbringing could be the source of so much confusion. Even though I recognize that I don't want the same life as my parents or grandparents, I still feel this urgency to pair up. Ugh. It's annoying.

Some days I'm completely fine, feeling great about my career and life in general, then some days all I want to do is crawl into bed with someone.

There is definitely something to say for cuddling and being a part of something. Which is essentially what is so alluring about a serious relationships. Everyone wants to feel wanted and needed.

Some days it's enough to feel that from friends...or even Bailey, but then there are those days that just don't cut it.

I'm really not complaining. I don't want to settle. So, if I wanted to be with someone, I could. It's not about that. It's about that person that I know I don't want to be without that I'm looking for.

If you find him, please send him my way. Hopefully I'll have enough courage/intelligence/gumption to recognize that it's him. :-)

Here kitty, kitty...

As I'm generally in opposition to the whole idea of clothing, I tend to start removing my clothes as I simultaneously slide my key into its designated slot.

Last night was no new regime. As I reached my bedroom, I had already addressed all the issues of buttons and zippers, and my dress exhaustedly headed for the floor. I quickly joined so that it wouldn't feel lonely. Actually, I really just enjoy laying on the floor.

I called for Bailey, my adorable little weenie dog.

She happily took her cue and wrapped her long body around the top of my head, where my hands greeted her. She excitedly prodded the tips of my fingers, as to gently remind me that she'd like to go outside. After about five minutes of a bliss on the floor, I pulled my weighted limbs off the ground and took her outside.

I came back inside to prepare for a bit of cardio.

I was excited about my run, as I'd made a new playlist for my workout. It was kind of like the excitement of new shoes or new clothes. I figured I'd use that momentum to my advantage.

I had a stellar run, and as I returned to my apartment, I was already shimmying out of my sweat-drenched yoga pants. I stripped to my panties and sports bra and let the cool, air-conditioned air envelope my body. I immediately felt energized, as I generally do after a good run.

I decided on bagging up the trash and preparing it for the long haul to the dumpster. This is likely my least favorite thing to do, unless I have to unload the dishwasher or put away folded clothing...then there's a three-way tie.

Anyways, I worked diligently for about 7 minutes, and then I had a large pile of bags. I thought to myself, I can leave this in here to stink, or I can just set it outside to take to the dumpster in the morning.

Now, I knew very well that there was no way I would get up in time to carry trash to the dumpster, but it still seemed to be the best option. So, I opened the door and began to transfer the bags from my kitchen floor to right outside my door. The thought that I wasn't properly attired for this chore was a fleeting thought, until my roommate's cat decided to take a trip to the parking lot.

Now, this cat is very much an inside cat. I really didn't have any option but to chase her. So, purple panties, gray sports bra, and a very exasperated sigh somehow carried me to the parking lot.

At this point she had realized that inside was way better, and she happily conceded. I swear she was smirking.

I scooped her up and walked back to my apartment. I figured that running would imply that I was embarassed, which would be more embarrassing than taking it like a woman.

Needless to say, the trash is still on the porch, and I will remove my clothing just as quickly when I get home tonight.