duffy

and no, not the vampire slayer...the adorable pop badass.

when i first listened to Rockferry, i have to admit i was entirely overwhelmed.

it's absolutely clear this girl got hurt. and, just so happens she was a talented musician. dude that broke duffy's heart...you lose.

anyway, at first it was hard for me to listen to. i felt like i was in the middle of a room of a couple having a super intense fight.

she really holds nothing back.

anyway, i really like it now. her candid approach is a bit unnerving at first, but kind of addictive.

i would be a liar if i said that i couldn't relate to every song on her album. it may not be applicable to my current life, but man, i sure wish i'd had that album in the past.

on a serious note

well, yesterday was a serious milestone for me.

i weigh less than i ever have without being anorexic! it is strictly from running and eating smaller portions/making better decisions.

it's really not all that much of a difference, but, to me it is. i'm really proud of myself. :-)

to celebrate i ordered pizza, and like a true anorexic at heart, i was so guilty after i ate it that i ran and weighed myself. i got up in the middle of the night and weighed myself, and i've already weighed twice today, and it's definitely 8:02 am. i've gained no weight, so i'm in the clear. i know how ridiculous it is. but, i feel that talking about it makes me realize the craziness of the whole thing.

after years of struggling with it, i honestly feel like i'm in a good place. yeah, i'm pretty sure i'll always struggle, as i've been watching my weight since grade school. my biggest fear is that, one day, if i have a daughter, she will sense my insecurities and feel that she must do the same. i know that i have to be stronger, because i would never, ever want to make someone feel the way that i do sometimes.

it's really weird about anorexia. i have never been uncomfortable with the way i look. i've never been unhappy with my body. i developed anorexia because of the point i was at in my life, and it was actually a symptom of another issue i was dealing with. i felt out of control, and the only thing i could control was what went in my body. therefore, i stopped eating. fortunately, i was able to overcome the other trial. anorexia, however, firmly planted itself in my being and will not let go.

i've accepted that. i have amazing friends who are very supportive and still ask me if i'm eating form time to time. i can't lie, so they know they'll always get an honest answer.

i really don't ever plan on reverting. i understand the damage that i did to my body and organs. i think if i meet my hesitations and anxieties every day that i will never let it control me again.

so, thanks for all the support, lovvis. :-)

i really feel like a super serious episode of boy meets world, but, if you or someone you know is struggling with this, please don't hesitate to chat with me about it. i'd be happy to listen to what you are going through or answer some questions you may have!



on another note...if you are stalking me or hacking my accounts...please stop it. that's silly. get a job. ugh.

if you are reading this, not stalking me or hacking my accounts, then please ignore the above. :-)

i have a stellar playlist today...

Kings of Leon
City and Colour
mewithoutYou
She&Him
The Secret Handshake
Vampire Weekend

little slice of amazing

i love when two things that i love meld.

like, reading and gangstas.



love, love, love this!

you've only got 4 minutes to save the world...

or, in my case, get ready for work.

this overly-sensitive scrolly ball on my blackberry is playing mind games with me!

one slight flinch and my alarm clock could be in pm instead of am, or an hour later than it is supposed to be...which is what happened this morning.

katie's text, at 6:24am, woke up me up.

i flew out of bed and made it to katie's car by 6:28am. i'm still not quite sure how that happened. count them, folks. that's four mintues.

i did forget a few things...and it's awkward, but i'll live.

time to invest in an alarm clock.

catharses, breakthroughs, and keys...oh my!

wow.

the last few days have been quite the whirlwind. i went to my second ever metal show, of which my boyfrann was the lead singer. it was very interesting and i was proud of him.

i got to hang out with a great friend. she's super sweet and intelligent, and i'm glad she's in my life.

i had a serious breakthrough, largely due to the fact that i have a super patient and understanding honeycakes.

i got pulled over. apparently crossing four lanes of traffic at once isn't normal. hmm. who knew?


i had a lovely picnic...well, sort of. it was still kind of chilly. but it's the thought that counts.

went on a treasure hunt around lawton for some keys. that was fun, and in the meantime i found my blackberry case, taser, and a whole lot of therapeutic laughing (ie. people falling out of trees).

i got to tell someone how i really feel while simultaneously standing up for my boyfriend. it felt good. still does.

all in all, it's was a great weekend.

spaceheaters and the tango

i feel much better today.

jesus author has conceded. hooray!

she is removing naked scenes and inappropriate euphemisms. i'm stoked on that.

yesterday was pretty much one of the most embarrassing things, and i don't even get embarassed a lot.

i had to read aloud and explain the sexual tone of a particular racy passage. keep in mind, this lady is probably 50, a super sweet christian, and she just couldn't wrap her jesus brain around why the word arrangement resulted in a lewd result. to her, fantasizing about jesus is a-okay. i agree to disagree.

after deconstructing and getting down to the basics of sex and orgasms, i felt a little dirty but relieved that she knew how i felt and how her readership would feel.

i KNOW she didn't want her tone to be that of raunch, so, she's made changes that greatly improve her manuscript. huzzah.

mmm playlist.

i just made a killer playlist for the day...

A Fine Frenzy
Duffy
Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
Amelie Soundtrack
Regina Spektor
Kate Nash
Feist

if you need me, i'll be the one editing her life away.

french acoustic

i'm really drawn to it. just lovely, in my opinion. it makes me very happy.

i'm not even sure what the definitive sounds are...maybe accordion? anyone really know?

check out the Amelie soundtrack if you have time. loooooverly.

so...just heard a story...

and i'm really glad that no on has ever proposed to me over the loudspeaker before a movie.

seriously. that would be awful.

sigh.

i am pretty much in love with kate nash.

she's totally my valentine.

no title needed

ready. for. the. weekend.

roxanne

the moulin rouge soundtrack makes me proper happy.

using "proper" as a modifier is so in.

properly, actually.

:-)

artsy fartsy

so, i'm not super into art and sculptures, mainly because i feel like i'm in a culturally void area. i would like to be, but being passionate about things is hard work, and i am only one human. kind of an excuse...yes, but i feel that if i lived in a region where the art community was supported more...or, say, London, where i could go to Tate modern or British or the National Gallery every day.

i'm more of a classic kind of girl...or hyper modern.

imagine that. even though i love gray, i generally operate on extremes. i'm okay with that.

i forget how much i love auguste rodin.

already knows how this well end

coffee from Asia makes me happy. mmm.

just wants to see you the way you wanna be seen

sigur ros makes me happy.

it is amazing editing tunage.

tha killas

i'm very much enjoying the killers CD.

this weekend was good. i already miss it.

i'm a tad bit stressed, i'm not going to lie.

it'll be okay, i'm sure, as it always is. but right now it still feels very overwhelming.

i'm still thankful i have a job, though, and have a reason to be busy all the time. hooray. :-)

have a happy monday!

think i made it...

first week of flex scheduling down...

i think i really like getting so much done in the morning.

hooray sleepy time.

don't you love

when you get to have a new day?

i do.

especially when the previous day was not the greatest. this is pretty much how i felt yesterday..



here's to better days!

okay, kids, listen up.

all you need is love.

i've truly felt this for a long time.

love bridges gaps.

love changes people.

love moves people.

love heals.

love isn't easy, but worth it.

love, love, love. love is all you need.

business is booming

i'm still alive.

things are good.

i have a new place to live, with a cool chick.

my boyfriend is super sweet and i like him a lot.

i get to seem some gals that i haven't seen in a while, and that pumps me up.

work is insanely busy, which is good. oye.

i got to go to a really cool bookstore and get some books that i want to read. only if i had time.

i got to go to a pet store. i love pet stores.

i kind of want a Schnauzer now. haha.