care about that, sucka.

mmm, mmm, mmmm.

a refined valley dude

this makes my life right now.

shout-out to sav. good pull!

jazzy

jazz is straight up rocking my world today.

okay, sliiight change.

boy fast started last night. long story that i'll explain later. anyway, yeah, fast started last night and will end October the 27th.

thanks for all the support, lovvis!

the hour is nigh

well lovvis, i've gone and become radical. okay, not really. but after taking some inventory on my life, i've realized a few things, and i'm planning to re-train myself. i have developed some behaviors that i'm going to kick to the curb.

basically, in case you haven't guessed, this involves my love life. sigh.

i'm not seeking out a relationship. however, men tend to seek me out. that's fine, but when i begin to show interest, it's inevitable that they "aren't ready for a relationship" want to "see other people" or "are scared." basically, i've ended up getting hurt in the last few endeavors, and i'm really not a fan of that at all.

so, new plan.

i'm giving up men in the month of october. yep, you heard me. no, that doesn't mean i'm becoming a lesbian (sorry ladies).

basically, because i'm not actively searching out a relationship (although am open to the idea), i want to stop tarrying with folks that aren't worth my time.

i have a hard time establishing boundaries when it comes to guys as friends, especially if i can see myself with the person. so, this new guys as friends things is something that i'm going to have to work on.

i have a hard time saying that anyone isn't worth my time; however, that's really not the case. i have a lot to offer any person, and i plan to start respecting myself more.

anyway, in order to get to a point where i can establish those boundaries, i've decided to cleanse first. what better way? a fast.

so, here are the rules. i will not give out my number in the month of october. i won't hit on a guy in october. i won't text or call a guy. i won't return a text or call from a guy.

i won't accept any drinks that are bought for me while out. (man, i'm going to have to re-budget.) i will not accept any wine purchase, no matter how nice the bottle. (ugh. that one hurts, but men are trixy. especially those that know my weaknesses.)

as far as social media goes... i will not respond to any private message from guys. i will not send private messages to guys. if i am commented, unless a specific, non-flirty question is asked, they will be ignored. i will not comment any men.

(of course this does not include my gaybees or already established friendships that i have with men. if you are in question, you better ask. you've got six days.)

i've discussed this with a few close friends, and i'm quite open to any ideas you have to tighten up the guidelines. i've gotten a few accountability offers, and i'm open to more.

i'm pretty sure there are already bets of how long i will last. i think someone has already thrown in October 7th. thanks for the support. :p

but really, it's going to be very hard. i'm quite stubborn when it counts, though, and i'm looking forward to being a better person.

i hope to gain better insight of male/female relationship and dynamic. i hope to learn that it's okay to hold myself to higher standards. i'm not against dating, but i'm absolutely no good at it (apparently), so i hope to learn to be better at that.

really, i just want to be better, full stop.

when considering music at the bar

"this song is spiraling me into depression," said jenn with a furrowed brow.
"i think that's what it's for," kate answered with an empathetic look.
"who sings this song anyway?" jenn whined.
matt leaned across the bar to give some input."ask the lady beside you... she looks like a die-hard fan."
jenn shifted on the hard stool and interjected herself into the somewhat drunk and trashy-looking blond's conversation. "excuse me, who sings this song?"
"gunsss n' rossses. i got 'em tattooed on my back," she slurred.

jenn heard an eruption of laughter behind her and was somewhat unsure of how to handle herself. she was sure that the look on her face gave away her true feelings. however, there was still hope that the blond's drunken haze buffered any offense.

"right. thanks, guns n' roses."

dripping in alchemy...

on my way home tonight, i saw a girl beside me in her car. she was crying crocodile tears, and i couldn't help but immediately empathize with her.

it could have been the song on her radio; she might have been listening to a book on tape; she might have just broken up with her bf/gf... who really knows?

i mean, who hasn't been in their car, crying their eyes out? well, i have. in fact, just last night. it will probably happen again, and that's just the way things go.

my eternally optimistic disposition has definitely taken a hit in the past year. unfailingly, i find the silver lining and rarely miss a beat due to losing heart.

just tonight i was thinking about the moments in my day. they are all so precious. i didn't really do anything extraordinary, but every moment meant something to me. i was acknowledged and rewarded at work; i felt needed by a friend; i made a new friend; i felt unimportant; i felt blessed; i missed london; i was thankful.

each of those things tiny, tiny moments make up who i am. and i must say, i'm quite pleased with that person.

it's really a good feeling. and although i'm not quite where i would like to be, i'm making positive steps every day and am driven to be the best, happiest person that i can be.

stay tuned on that.

entirely too sexy for monday

all right, i've been disgracing this blog, but i ran across my friend's and thought it was cute.

the things that make people feel sexy are always interesting. so, here are mine...


1. Being Naked. as weird as it sounds, i actually feel the most sexy when i'm allowed to roam free without the shackles of clothing. this has been pointed out as quite odd since i love fashion, and i agree, but i don't make the rules.

2. Dancing. most any kind, particularly latin or belly. i love, love, love dancing, and it brings on some sexy feelings.

3. Shoes.

boots-any kind, i always feel sexy!


pumps-oh those leg-lengthening marvels.
http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/women/pumps/platform/76381225-dreggs/97

chucks-these are a surprise sexy...but no matter when i put them on, it's instant.





4. Working Out. specifically zumba and pilates!




5. Painted Nails. no matter what color, i always feel a bit better when my nails are painted.

at least carrie got a post-it

well, it's funny you should mention that, because, actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation. Because, here's what: avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy.

Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, is this: there is a good way to break-up with someone and it doesn't include a post-it! -sex and the city

so, basically, all things can be solved through respect and communication. that's all.

i hope we still aren't having this conversation when we are 40

this past week i've realized there are lots of things that i don't know that i thought i did. i'm totally okay with that. i'm all about growing into a better person.


things i do know:
i love cucumbers, music, and chocolate (not together)
i am blessed to have so many friends
life is about doing the things that you love. plain and simple.
i adore people...especially the interesting souls
music has become a part of me that i can't really explain. i hope one day to have the same passion, connection, and love for a human.
i need a holiday like i need a rainy day
i hate summer more than ever
i love me some dancing
i. miss. london.

jazzy and jubilant

Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
workkkkk

The last person you kissed needs you at 3am, would you help them?
of course

Last thing you did before bed last night?
re-set my alarm

Do you get mad easily?
no. it takes a lot to be on my poo list.

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
yes, because he's swell.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
not anymore. you can't win them all, lovvis.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
talk, talk, talk. communicado es muy importante!

What's your last text say?
i love you. have a great day.

Are you happy?
mmhmm

What are you doing after this?
working some more, hitting the gym, then going to smangela's

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold please

Who was the last person you were in a car with?
audra

When was the last time you had a REAL smile on your face?
just a few seconds ago

Do you like getting big hugs?
yes indeed.

Is tomorrow looking good?
i can't see tomorrow yet. but i have a feeling it will be spectacular.

What color are your eyes?
very blue

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later?
nope. once i give up i'm done. that's why it's kind of hard for me to let go initially.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
haha noooooo. not in the very least.

Do you want to see someone right now?
eh. not really. i need to work.

Are you in a good mood?
i'm in a wonderful mood...besides being ridiculously cold. i have on two blankets.

Do you miss your past?
not at all. is that weird? i've had some great times, but i just really love my present...and my future for that matter.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
not on purpose

Have you ever gone out with a football player?
yes, in college.

Last person to make you smile?
my entire office. they are fun. i like them.

Who were you with at 12:00 last night?
just bailey and i. we were sleeping.

If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say?
i sleep heavily, so i say nothing until the next day.

Ever receive a really long apology?
sure

Are you mad at the last person who called you?
negative

Are you afraid to answer sexual questions?
haha no

Expecting something to change in the next month?
things always change. that's the only thing that stays the same.

Ready for winter to come?
oh so very much.

Were you an honor roll student in school?
indeed

How do you make your money?
i work hard for tha money! but seriously, i edit the books and write the columns and dance...wait...

What do you have planned for tonight?
working. boo. and maybe, if working gets to a steady point, heading out on the town. maybe.

Today did you kiss a person you have feelings for?
does bailey count?

Have you ever been around someone who was high?
that i have

If you could have anything right now what would it be?
cuddles!

How ticklish are you?
let's not go there

Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
yes.

What are you doing right now?
not working. laughing about epic fails.

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
usually open. clothes and shoes are pretty!

Best friend?
i am blessed with many

Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars?
negative

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
i don't get that many hours in a row until the weekend comes around



that's me with my sort-of snuggie. it's sooooo cold!

oh me, oh my

well, today i literally jumped up and down because of a boy. that hasn't happened in some time. it was kind of nice.

so silly, i know. but it's great to have a crush.

i've liked this guy since new year's eve. he was charming and nice, but not overbearing. i had a boyfriend at the time, and i'm not into infidelity, so i pushed him out of my mind.

i've run into him several times since then, and every time has gone the same. we have great conversation, we joke and flirt, and then we say goodbye and go our separate ways.

i was starting to get a little confused, but this weekend i realized that he may just be a little shy. or, as audra said, he could have been in a relationship until recently as well. he finally got my number in the most adorable fashion, and i was very pleased.

well, the reason for the jumping, is that i heard from him today. wahoo! the perfect amount of time, really. if i would have heard from him any sooner, i would have been immediately disinterested. if it would have been later in the week, i would have gotten nothing done at work for a few days, haha! that's what happens when i really have a crush on a boy.

also, it was in business hours. kudos.

this has gotten me to thinking about dating rules. isn't it funny that when you are uninterested in a guy, it's completely easy to play it cool? now, when your interest is piqued, that's when things get challenging.

one would think common sense would suffice, but unfortunately when in the situation, the idea of common or sense is hazy. over-analyzation takes over!

this has been a topic at work as of late. is there some secret society that huddles together and makes up rules that all of singleton must follow? i'm not sure. but i am usually a rule follwer, and i work well with boundaries. that being said...here are a few dating dos and don'ts we've come up with.

*if there is an exchange of numbers, the aggressor must be the first person to contact
*do not, repeat, do NOT friend them on myspace, facebook, linkedin, or follow their twitter until there is an established relationship. (feel free to creep a little if any of the listed are public.)
*do google them. you don't want to end up with a complete loser, and the internet is a good tool to figure out if they're completely bust or not.
*before there is an established relationship, expect texts or calls to come within business hours. if it's not in that time frame, they probably aren't a keeper.
*don't ever accept a same-day request for a date EVEN if you are free.
*when in initial communication phase, don't expect to hear from them every day. take it slow and get to know the person. sheesh!

for now, that's what we've come up with that pretty much everyone agrees on. dating is a lot of work, but it's also a lot of fun when done right.

if you don't believe it, come hang out with audra and i for about 5 minutes and you'll see!



it's so helpful to have such wonderful friends that love and support me every day.

as always, feel free to leave comments, add, subtract, build on, or just agree with!

cheerful insight

in an effort to not angry blog, i've taken a few days to think about some things that have been bothering me.

i had dinner with two of the people who are my closest friends in this world. even though we've had different life ideas for many years now, we've always managed to maintain a level of respect and unconditional love. this keeps us on common ground, and i'm so thankful for that.

i know that sometimes words don't come out as intended, and i hope it was one of those nights.

after a few days of reflection, i've arrived at a comfortable place.

i'm not judgmental, and i know that is a main difference with my two best friends and i. although they may argue, they have some serious preconceived notions. it works just fine for them, but that's not a way that i ever intend to be. they aren't as bad as they used to be, and i feel that i have had a little bit of an influence on them. mainly because they've been forced to accept me through love. i've never actually felt that it's a chore for them until this conversation.

i'm not sure that dreams ever become a negative thing. although i may not have everything figured out, i always have ideas and back-up ideas, and i'm pretty sure that will always be a part of me. i do understand it's important to be content where you are in life, but as many things are a balancing act, this is no different.

having a man and being married is not my picture of success. of course those things will be amazing when the right person comes along, but i'm comfortable being by myself, and if that's a weakness, then i'm proud to be weak.

it all comes down to situation, i think. it's pretty easy to point fingers when you've been with the same person for 6+ years, you're married, and you are building a life together. it's a lot less challenging to decide what you want to do with your life and where you want to settle down, in my opinion.

i love them and know they want me to be happy. sometimes i think they confuse what's best for me, and i just wish they'd take a little more time to get to know me, and less time giving me advice for how they want me to be.

in a reverse application to my life, i'm going to be more understanding of those decisions that i find to be conventional. i'm also going to apply the relevant and applicable pieces of advice they gave me. i've decided to let things go for now, but if it happens again, then i'll have to get a little sassy.